What to Say When Relatives Say Homeschooling is “Holding Your Child Back” from Socialization

Navigating homeschooling with a neurodivergent child often means answering a lot of questions, especially from well-meaning family members. While you know homeschooling is what’s best for your child, not everyone understands why you’ve chosen this path. One of the most common critiques homeschool families hear is, “But what about socialization? Isn’t it better for them to be in school?” This can be an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s an important one to have, especially when it comes from relatives who care deeply about your child.

If you’re feeling the pressure, here’s how to respond thoughtfully and confidently.

1. Emphasize a Personalized Approach to Socialization

Socialization looks different for every child, especially when they have autism. A traditional classroom might be overwhelming, distracting, or even distressing. In contrast, homeschooling allows you to create an environment where social interactions are meaningful, personalized, and, most importantly, positive.

What you can say:

“We’re really focusing on helping [Child’s Name] build social skills that work for them. Through homeschooling, we’re able to create opportunities for interaction that feel safe, manageable, and enjoyable. Our approach focuses on quality over quantity when it comes to socializing.”

2. Share the Benefits of Smaller, Skill-Based Social Experiences

Large group settings, like a traditional classroom, may not always be the best environment for a child on the autism spectrum to develop social skills. In homeschooling, you can tailor social interactions in smaller, skill-based settings that support, rather than overwhelm, your child.

What you can say:

“Instead of a class of 30 kids, we’ve found that [Child’s Name] does better in smaller, guided groups. This way, they have more success learning how to build friendships and practice important social skills without the added stress of overstimulation.”

3. Explain the Importance of a Child-Centred Approach

Relatives may not understand that homeschooling allows you to match socialization opportunities to your child’s individual development, comfort level, and strengths. If your child struggles with communication, you have the flexibility to practice communication skills at home in a low-pressure way.

What you can say:

“Homeschooling gives us the freedom to focus on [Child’s Name]’s individual needs and abilities. We’re meeting them where they are, helping them build skills in a way that feels natural and encouraging. That’s something we couldn’t do as effectively in a traditional school environment.”

4. Discuss the Variety of Social Opportunities Outside of School

One misconception about homeschooling is that kids miss out on a diverse social life. On the contrary, homeschoolers often have access to a variety of social experiences—from park playdates and library events to extracurricular activities, autism support groups, and special interest clubs.

What you can say:

“[Child’s Name] actually has a variety of social opportunities! We attend community events, homeschool co-ops, and specialized groups where they meet kids with similar interests. This kind of socialization lets them interact with kids of different ages, in ways that feel safe and enjoyable.”

5. Reframe “Holding Back” as Supporting Their Growth

The idea that you’re “holding them back” might come from a place of misunderstanding or from relatives who don’t realize the unique benefits of homeschooling for autistic children. By shifting the conversation, you can help them see that homeschooling is a tailored way to support your child’s growth.

What you can say:

“I understand it might look like [Child’s Name] is missing out on certain aspects of traditional schooling, but actually, homeschooling allows us to support their growth in ways that are just right for them. This approach lets us build up their confidence, independence, and social skills at their own pace.”

6. Highlight the Positive Impact of Homeschooling on Your Child’s Well-Being

Ultimately, your relatives want to see your child happy and thriving. You know firsthand how homeschooling positively impacts your child’s confidence, emotional health, and overall sense of security.

What you can say:

“The best part of homeschooling is that we’re able to create an environment where [Child’s Name] can really thrive. They feel more confident, safe, and supported. And that’s what’s most important to us right now—giving them a space where they can feel comfortable and succeed on their own terms.”

Ending on a Positive Note

It can be challenging to handle criticism, especially when it comes from loved ones who genuinely want what’s best for your child. By framing the benefits of homeschooling in terms they can understand, you’re helping them see that your decision is grounded in love, research, and a true commitment to your child’s unique needs.

With time, your family may come to see just how much your homeschooling journey is benefiting your child. And who knows—they might even become your biggest supporters!